I know there are very few people (if anyone) who will read this post since I’m not a regular blogger as it is, and I’m not exactly Zoella. Even so, I felt like I needed to explain myself to anyone who will read this.
Blogging is a hobby and it started purely as a hobby and a way to openly praise books I loved and felt deserved more praise. I love doing it, I love talking to other bloggers and I love feeling like I’ve made an author happy by writing something nice about their book. At the same time though, I feel anxious every time I post a blog. It’s like I’m releasing a small bird into the wild, only to see it to be caught by an eagle as it tries to fly home. On some level, I want my blogs to be popular, but I don’t want attention because then my anxiety gets worse.
Sometimes I blog regularly and I’m happy with it and I’m proud of how I’m doing. Last year I was nominated for an award and I was so happy, but then other times I just feel like it’s not worth it. The words don’t come out right, nothing sounds good enough and I feel like it’s a waste of time and that no one will care anyway.
I’m going to blog again and I’m going to get myself out of my own slump because if I don’t, I have very little chance of getting out of it. I just wanted to explain that I’m not lazy, I didn’t forget to blog and I do still love reading. I just didn’t have the energy or motivation to do it because my anxieties were fighting me.
But I want to blog and I want to beat my anxieties because they have no right to tell me what I can and can’t do. So here I am, blogging. And I’ll be blogging for a while. If you have the same problems I do (please tell me so we can bond over our problems – I have no friends), then you should do the same. Fight it. Own your anxieties. Without you fighting back, you have no chance. Do the things you want to do. Tell your head it’s wrong; people do want to talk to you. People do want to read your blog. You matter and you’re important.